While there are numerous reasons for suffering, not all of them impact us in the same way. Our relationship with food hits us the strongest during meal times and when we look in the mirror. Our relationship with our parents doesn't really impact us every single day once we move out and start our own families.
One of the most ominous, debilitating, and yet ubiquitous reasons to suffer has to do with money. Do you feel like you make enough of it? Do you have enough? Do you worry you might run out of it?
It's such an interwoven subject too. Our moneymaking ability can relate to our self-perception, how we view other people, jealousy, inferiority, and so on. And it doesn't just stop at our inner relationships — money is also societal.
The Freeze
As a life coach, I can tell you that the biggest objection I face when it comes to client acquisition is the objection around money. People want to solve their problems and they're excited at the prospect of it, and then they're met with the reality of paying and their expression just freezes.
Then what is a good, objective, truth-based starting point we can have with money? With that we can build upon the relationship we want with money.
Why We Feel Bad About Spending
Here's a generally great starting point. We feel bad about spending when we feel like it was a waste. We didn't get our money's worth, and we don't know how we're going to make our money back from the spending. This applies to food, investment, purchase — anything. We start getting this idea that "we're a bad spender, we're irresponsible" and it starts snowballing from there.
That narrative needs to be re-written and re-examined going forward. Take a look at the spending you did most recently. What was the tipping point in that decision process? Did the decision pay off? If so, then it wasn't a meaningless spend — we just needed the opportunity to view it that way. If not, then it was a lesson fee for what to know next time.
Real Examples
Recently I had to pay about $30k for some home repair work. This kind of thing would have eaten me alive in the past. But prior to signing the contracts I made sure to talk to multiple contractors and have them walk me through why they need to charge this much. How did I know to do this? Because I learned sorely from old mistakes when I just blindly paid people to get rid of a discomfort as soon as possible.
I invested a few thousand dollars into advertisements recently. I could feel the buyer's remorse kick in when I started thinking the ads weren't providing the traction I expected. Instead of burying my face in the pillow, I decided to take the matter into my own hands and book a call with my team to understand what's happening and why expectations weren't matching reality. This way, I'm making sure I'm getting my money's worth.
Mindfulness in Action
How do you feel when you're about to spend money? Watch that story change as you continuously re-visit all of your past expenditures. My old coach told me every line item in my credit card bill is like a love letter to myself — it's me giving me the moon. I started feeling better about spending money today when I re-identified how I spent money in the past.
Following through on the original decision when things don't unfold the way you expect. We're used to the relationship where the provider gives you the value of the money you spent. You spend a few hundred dollars at a Michelin-starred restaurant, you expect a meal that's deserving of that price. But in the end, we are the ones responsible for making sure that price's value is attained.
Whether you're spending $5 or $500, the commitment isn't just financial — it's a mindful commitment to making sure you get the value you intended. That's the real work.